Dear Davy Jones,
I like your shows very much. I like all of your songs too. I like all your clothes and your hair. You are very very cute.
You better come to Wichita or I'll smash you one.
Lover,
Carol
Wichita
quite romantic, don't you think?

Dear Peter,
Hi! I'm one of your most faithful and devoted fans. I watch all of your shows and I just can't tell you how crazy about you I am. I would just love if you'd send me a lock of your hair or a part of a shirt that you wore or even a handkerchief that you sneezed in. I would be the envy of all my girlfriends, and I would really be able to show up my girlfriend Susie who says that you're not as cute as Micky.
Your devoted fan,
Jean
San Francisco, Calif.
Anyone who asks for a snotty handkerchief oughta get it. Let's hope Peter sent her one.

Dear Micky,
I want to ask you something. Do you like hipsters, miniskirts, bell bottoms, flair bottoms, tall boots, go-go boots, long hair or short hair?
I mean do you like them on girls?
Please answer.
Thanks and love,
Eunice
Woodmere N.Y.

Dear Micky,
You are one of the older members of the Monkees, so I feel that I can write to you in a fairly mature way. I don't want you to think that I'm just another wild, screaming teenager throwing herself at you. I just want to say that you and your group are a really fine bunch of performers. But when I go to a show or a concert, I like to hear a group sing, not some bunch of crazy screaming girls. And when you're on television, I never miss your show because it makes me happy, and I especially love to watch you, but I don't break out in hysterics or go around sobbing for you.
Just one thing, Micky, please don't let them take the Monkees off the air, because if they do I think I'll just kill myself.
Sincerely,
Elinore
Flagstaff, Arizona
Ok, this girl really is throwing herself at Micky and she's also one of those crazy screaming girls you see at concerts, she's just neurotic and is in denile. But I do hope she was only bluffing about the suicide thing, seems Micky didn't come through for her on this one. Pity.

Dear Davy,
Happy New Year! What's you New Year's resolution? I hope it's to cut your hair. You look like a hunchback or something with your hair so long. You look like your being swallowed up alive! I hope you're not mad at my criticizing, but a lot of my friends think so too.
I know I'll never hear from you, but I want to ask you two questions anyway. First: when do you plan to get married? In other words, what age? Second: how high would the girl have to be? I don't mean she would have to be drunk to marry you, what I mean is how tall?
I think I'd faint if you ever wrote back, but I hope you do anyway.
Thanks and good lovin'
Cecile
Larchmont, N.Y.
Well, she's a sassy one, isn't she? I believe Davy has been insulted here.

Dear Davy,
Here are some of the words I think of when I think of you. Romantic, lovable, divine, adorable, fun loving, charming, marvelous sense of humor, beautiful eyes, cute, beautiful, short but nice, irresistible, handsome smile, kind, generous, sweet, gentle, and nice teeth. I think we have a lot in common. You hate early mornings and love girls, girls, girls, and I like boys, boys, boys. But mainly you. Honest.
All my luv,
Ellen
Houston, Tx
And here are a few words that I think of when I read this letter. Nauseating, gag, vomit, and shiny toliet.

Hi-ho Monkees,
I'm just another jerk, no more than twelve, writing to you just to see what results I get. Truthfully, I think only two of you (Micky and Peter) are Monkees. Davy Jones looks like a chimpanzee to me, and Mike Nesmith is definitely an orangutan.
Just another fan,
Roberta
Fort Worth, Texas
P.S. Consider yourself pretty lucky. I don't even write to my best friend.
hmm, could that possibly be because you DON'T have any friends, Roberta? Hopefully the only results she got from that letter was a big ol' "piss off!"... thank you.

Dear Mike,
Is it true that you have a baby? And a wife? Is it a boy or a girl? I mean the baby, not the wife (haha!).
It's nice to see that the Monkees have one nice, mature, family man in the group.
Love to all,
Cindi
Cleveland, Ohio
A nice fan?? Yay for the nice fan.

Dear Monkees,
Every Monday I used to watch Iron Horse until I heard about The Monkees, and now I like your show so much I never watch anything else. Could you please send me a photo of all four of you with you autographs on it? Actually, I like one of you much more than the rest, but if I ask for his photo seperately I might hurt the rest of your feelings. I can give you hint though. My favorite one is the cutest. If you figure out which he is, please send me his photograph separate, and I hope you all don't feel too bad.

A devoted fan,
Linda
Portland, Me
Gee whiz, just ask Davy for his autograph. You wont be breaking any hearts, plus Davy REALLY needs a bigger ego. And no, I don't think Davy is the cutest, but only a Davy fan would ask like that.

Dear Micky,
You guys are really fabulous, everyone says so. But remember that the most part of your fame is your personality. Never loose or forget that. I care more about a good personality than beauty. If you have a good personality it makes up for what you may lack physically. So don't worry.
Love,
Dina
Gloversville, Ny
P.S. Is it true that if you weren't a singer you would like to be a roll of scotch tape?
Of course it's true that he'd like to be roll of scotch tape, everyone want's to be a roll of scotch tape! What a silly question. And is she trying to say that Micky isn't beautiful? How rude.

Dear Peter,
How are you, babes? (Did you really thing I was going to say I love you and all that gush? Tsk-tsk.) I hope you don't make your first million before I get to Hollywood.
I think your show is just fab, but the writers don't give you big enough parts. And you always play the dumb one. I think you need a good public relations man to improve your image. It just so happens that my father is in the business, and I'll see if he can do anything for you. Let's get movin' Peter.
I know all your fans love you like crazy, but how many call you person to person from Boston? My girlfriend and I did, but the operator said she wasn't allowed to connect us. Now you see what kind of fans we are.
Well, that's about all for now. You can keep this letter, so if I become famous you will have my autograph.
Love, more or less,
Mardy
Boston
You can't see it, but I'm rolling my eyes right now.

Darling Micky,
I'm not just another fan writing to you because you're a Monkee. It's you I love, Micky, that happy-go-lucky, carefree, funny person inside you. And I don't care if you are crazy, pug-nosed, scrawny-necked, hairy, skinny, or funny looking. Nobody's perfect, and I'll love you always.
Your truest fan,
Toni
Silver Springs, Md.
What she is trying to say, Micky, is that even though she thinks you're an ugly turd, she still likes you (your money).

Dear Micky,
I think you're the greatest. I'm just nuts about you, and I know almost everything about you that there is to find out. But you should see the way my girlfriend Cheryl loves Peter. She is crazy. She dresses like him, talks like him, and thinks that she and Peter have so much in common that they can't miss falling in love and getting married. They do have one thing in common, though, for real. Cheryl looks almost exactly like Peter. Only Peter is prettier.
All my love,
Katherine
Vining, Minn.
Touche, Katherine. Very funny. Though I'm not sure if this really a love letter to Micky, or just an easy way to tell your friend Cheryl that she's a dirty hippie.

Dear Mike,
Your record, "Gonna Buy Me A Dog" is very funny, to put it mildly. Is it supposed to be?
Maybe you'd like to know something about who's writing to you. Well, I'm in seventh grade but I'm already 5'6" tall, three inches taller than Davy Jones. I believe you are aquainted with Mr. Jones, aren't you? I'm a little on the heavy side. But I expect all that weight to "distribute itself" a little better over the next few years. Right now it's sort of centered around the lower two thirds of my measurements. Maybe I'd better write back then, huh?
Toodloo,
Margie
Palo Alto, Calif.
Mike did not write that song!!! Ahem.. Let's see, Margie, you should write back when Mike will give a crap. Oh wait, that'll be never.

Dearest Davy,
I wrote this poem when I was supposed to be doing my homework. Here it is:
DAVY JONES
Davy, Davy, wherever you are,
Come here, come here from afar.
I wish you were here because
I think you're dreamy of every cause.
So, come here so I can know if you think
I'm dreamy, so
Jones, Jones what a name,
I wish mine was the same.
I know you don't know me from anywhere
But I know you like I was there.
I hope you liked it. It took me almost an hour.
Love always,
Clara
Cincinnati, Ohio
Almost an hour, huh? Such beauty in one single hour? I am... amazed.

Dear Monkees,
My name is Sandy O. and I am twelve years old. This hair I am sending you enclosed is my hair. For six months now I've been begging my father to cut it off. It was down to my waist and an awful lot of trouble to keep up. So finally we got it cut.
I'm sorry I couldn't send more of it, but my father wanted to keep it all and only gave me this much to send. I think there are too many hairs to count, but I want you all to divide them up evenly the best way you know how because I love you all the same. And that's a whole lot.
All my love,
Sandy
Charlotte, S.C.
Eww. That's sweet and all. But it's the other way around, you're supposed to want their hair, not send them yours.

Dear Monkees,
Please send me Davy Jones in the mail. Send it to Cindy L., Louisville., Kentucky.
Yeah we'll show him some good ol' southern lovin.

Dear Davy,
Boy, being loyal to you can really be a drag. The other night I had a date with really groovy guy, one of the most popular boys in school. Everything was going great until the subject of the Monkees came up. We both really dug the group, but I told him I thought you were the cutest Monkee of all and he said you were the only one he didn't like. I told him he better take that back or he better take me home. So he took me home, and I cried for two hours. What am I going to do? The only guys who like you all seem to be big drips.
Your loving fan,
Eileen R.
The only guys who like Davy prefer big drips. *nudge, nudge*

Dear Micky,
I dont mean to bug you or anything, and I know you get a lot of fan mail, but how old are you? Some magazines say you're 18, and some say you're 21, and now im all confused. I hope you're 18, well, because I'm 14 and you're my favorite monkee.
In one magazine I read that you said one word to describe your personality was "Yecch!" I don't believe that! You're underestimating yourself. You make hundreds of thousands of people laugh - mainly us teens. At least you make me and the kids I know laugh. We love it. I think the greatest thing a person can do is to make another person laugh, and you do this.
I think you and the rest of the Monkees are the greatest. I've never liked a group as much as I like you guys.
I won't call you groovy, hip, stud, etc., because I don't use those words - not yet. I'm not a phony so I won't put up a front. In simple words: THE MONKEES ARE BOSS!
Love forever,
Andrea
I'm not a phony either. So I'll say this in simple words: This letter is DA BOMB!

Dear Peter,
Hi! I picked you to write to because I think you're the coolest of all. Aren't you excited?
I read in a fan mag that you are studying to be a teacher Is that true. I hope not. Of all the finky things for a teen-age idol to want to be, that's the absolute worst. Now, if you went around teaching kids how to play a groovy guitar or something, it would be another story. Besides, if you ever set foot in a high school classroom the kids would probably tear you to ribbons. So cool it and stick with the Monkees, okay Pete?
Your loving but concerned fan,
Vicki
Yeah, it would be really finky for Peter to become a teacher!.. oh wait...

Dear Mike,
Your fan magazine says that when you were in the Air Force you turned over a general's airplane once by accident. What I want to know is, how do you turn over an airplane? I mean, if you're flying it, that's one thing, but on the ground? And what did the general say? What do you say to a general when you just tipped over his airplane? Is that why you're not in the Air Force any more?
Your fan,
Denny
Actually, I don't have anything smart to say. I'm just curious about this too.

Dearest Davy Jones,
Hi! My name is Valerie. I am only eleven years old but I am very boy-crazy already. I'm not the type that cries and faints everytime I see a picture of you, goodness. But everytime I see a cute boy I just collapse. Well, enough about me. As long as you're reading this, you might as well answer a question for me. Do you smoke? (My dad says one reason you might be short is because smoking stunted your growth. But I told him you were short because you were a jockey.)
Love and like that,
Valerie
Let's see. She's not the type to faint for cute boys, but she does collapse for them. hmm.

Dear Peter,
I hope you don't mind if I ask you to send me a picture of yourself. I live in the country and I have not two but one girlfriend. I love handsome boys, but you are TOPS. I have never seen a boy so handsome. I do have a boyfriend who I love dearly, but you are the only one who knows. I am going steady with him. But you're handsomer.
Love,
Guess-who
Hmm, are you Davy Jones?